Suck it up

My husband decided to get all footloose and fancy-free with two of my most treasured possessions and, unfortunately for him, now there’s hell to pay. Because I’m blogging about it. And now everyone will know what he did. Ergo, hell will be paid.

Over the past month, my husband and kid have been building a desk in the basement. They went to Home Depot and got the lumber, the tools, etc., and every weekend they work on it. Apparently, there’s a lot of cutting and sanding involved, which produces a large amount of sawdust. My husband needed to clean it all up, so he decided to take my cordless Dyson vacuum cleaner, which I love almost as much as my kids, and use that.

Soon afterwards, I noticed that the vacuum was not sounding like it normally did. Plus, the handle was getting hot, which had never happened before he used it to suck up sawdust. I took it apart, looked for clogs, and even invested my time in watching freaking YouTube videos on how to troubleshoot problems with vacuum cleaners. Riveting.

It turns out I couldn’t fix it. It still works, it just doesn’t work as well as it used to and it sounds weird and the handle gets hot. I wasn’t happy about this and told him so.

Anyway, yesterday the woman who comes to do a deep clean of my house twice a month was here. I wasn’t around while she was doing her thing, and later in the day, I got a text from her that read: “I think something is up with the vacuum cleaner like it’s clogged or something. It wasn’t working great.”

I started to think — she never uses the cordless Dyson. She uses the giant Shark vacuum that you have to plug in and sucks so hard it’s like there’s a hurricane going on up in there. When my kid came home from school, I nonchalantly asked him if he and his dad used the big vacuum cleaner during their construction cleanup the previous weekend. He said they did.

I cannot adequately describe to you the RAGE coursing through my veins at that very moment. I went immediately to my phone and texted my husband, “Now you broke the main vacuum cleaner? WTF?!?”

I received no response because, I don’t know, he was busy working during the day or something. I Googled “sawdust breaks vacuum cleaners” and found articles about how, SURPRISE!, vacuuming up sawdust breaks vacuum cleaners. I couldn’t just text him the article, as he never reads articles I text him, so I carefully highlighted certain portions of one of the articles that proved my point and texted him that.

His response? “It’s not broken.”

Hell no.

I told him that yes, indeed it was broken because it wasn’t working as nature intended, and he replied that he had to vacuum the sawdust up because it was on carpet. I replied simply: “Shop vac!!!”

And do you even KNOW what he had the audacity to say?? “Somebody has a birthday coming up.”

So not only has my husband ruined two vacuum cleaners, but now I am getting a shop vac for my birthday. Life is pain.

  1. Monica

    August 16th, 2019 at 7:00 am

    Ow, that’s such a sad story! But men are not so experienced in that cleaning field. That’s why I am not giving my toys to my husband.

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