Sowing my wild oats

Not my oatmeal.

 

I’ve had a very trying 24 hours. You see, lately I’ve had an obsession with oatmeal – cooking it, eating it, accessorizing it with fruits and sugars and all sorts of things. I found a recipe for “overnight oats” on the internet. You put oatmeal in a slow cooker with all sorts of stuff, set it to low, and in the morning you’re supposed to have hot, delicious oatmeal with zero effort.

There were only two problems:

1. You can’t overcook it — seven hours is the max, otherwise it will burn.

2. I am crazy.

These problems played out like so: I wake up around 7 am, so I’d have to put the oatmeal in the slow cooker around midnight. I didn’t think that was ever going to happen, yet I found myself at 11:30 pm running around the house like a maniac mixing up oatmeal and almond milk and diced apples and brown sugar. I literally could not go to bed until I accomplished this. I HAD to make this oatmeal.

The whole point of overnight oatmeal is to make things easier in the morning and less stressful. The opposite happened for me. I woke up probably 11 times in the middle of the night insanely worried that the slow cooker would catch on fire and burn the house to the ground. I laid there in bed debating whether the oatmeal was cooked through enough for me to run downstairs and shut off the slow cooker at 2 am. Then 3 am. Then 4:30 am. The slow cooker became my albatross.

Anyway, I ran downstairs around 7 am and turned it off to find perfectly cooked oatmeal waiting for me. I was so psyched. I showered and got ready and bragged to my kid about how amazing this breakfast was going to be. I spooned some out and he tried it. And said, “I think I’ll have something else.”

What?!? After all that work and worry?

Then I tried it. Apparently using 1-minute quick-cook oats is not the same as using regular old oats. The oatmeal I had slow cooked all night long was basically slop. With apples chunks.

It was awful. I was horrified and completely beaten down. Overnight oats, you are my nemesis. You’ve messed with me for the last time.

 

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