My poor kid has been home sick with the flu since Saturday, which means I’ve also been in my house since Saturday. My only outings have been to the doctor’s office and a quick run to the gas station.
Okay, so maybe I’m going a little stir crazy, but I didn’t realize how INSANE I was becoming until yesterday when I made the most epic parent fail in the history of parent fails.
If you know me in real life, you know that I’m pretty restrictive as to what types of movies/television shows/video games my kids watch/play. But my kid has been SO miserable and so sick for days that when he asked me if he could watch X-Men: Apocalypse yesterday I was all, “Sure! Why the heck not?? Whatever I can do to make you feel even a LITTLE better.”
He starts watching it and I go upstairs to do my thing. About an hour later, my husband comes home. I hear him chatting with our kid for a little bit, and a few minutes later he comes upstairs. Our conversation:
Him: “Are you FEBRILE?”
Me: “Huh? No. I’m fine. Why?”
Him: “Because you have him watching X-Men: Apocalypse!”
Me: “I know. Why? What’s wrong with that? He watches other action movies.”
Him: “Not like this! This is insanely violent!”
Me: “It is? I can’t remember.”
Him: “Um, yeah. Right now he’s watching the part where Wolverine SLAUGHTERS everyone.”
Then it came back to me because, yes, I’ve seen this movie, and no, I can’t even use the I-didn’t-know-because-I-never-saw-this-before defense. Wolverine doesn’t just kill a whole bunch of people. He literally impales them, decapitates them, DESTROYS them in the most graphic, bloody, disgusting way possible.
All I can do is mutter, “Uh oh,” and run downstairs. “Hey, buddy,” I say VERY nonchalantly, “so are you doing okay? Do you want to keep watching this?” I look over on the screen and see Wolverine BATHED IN BLOOD.
He answers that um, no, maybe I could just turn it off and watch something else because he’s feeling like he has to throw up again.
Nice. I am THE WORST. What is wrong with me?!? I am going nuts in this house. NUTS. Somebody send help.