On our way through Birmingham, Alabama, last week, we thought it would be fun to stop at the Golden Flake plant. For those of you who haven’t heard of Golden Flake, they make potato chips and all kinds of deliciousness. But only for Southerners. I don’t live in the South. Therefore I am deprived of all this delightfulness on a regular basis, but I won’t hold it against them.
So like I said, we thought it would be fun to go there. But I didn’t quite feel the “fun” all that immediately. Maybe it was because two armed guards stopped us before we were able to drive into the lot. Yeah, you read that right: ARMED GUARDS. Why these guys needed guns, I have no idea, but it was pretty obvious that Golden Flake is not fooling around.
I guess they liked the look of us, though, and allowed us on the premises. We were told to stay in our cars until the tour was to start at 11 am. They didn’t have to tell me twice. I had no desire to find out if those guards had shoot-to-kill orders.
We were given a list of 17 things we needed to agree to in order to take the tour. Like wearing closed-toed shoes. And taking off all your jewelry. And not bringing in, well, ANYTHING, including purses and cameras.
I changed out of my flip flops and into hiking shoes, even though it totally ruined my outfit, but kept my jewelry on. But once we got inside, the Golden Flake tour lady told us to take off all our jewelry—even stud earrings. Who knew if she carried a stun gun or something, so I did as I was told.
And FINALLY the fun began. In the form of sampling popcorn and chips hot off the production line. And leaving with three bags of snacks PER FAMILY MEMBER.
IT WAS AWESOME. In case you didn’t catch that, IT WAS AWESOME. I want to live in a potato chip factory. I want to stuff my face with warm, salty, delicious chips every day, damn the consequences.
So I say to the Golden Flake tour lady, the armed guards, everyone involved—you have got it GOING ON. I’ll do whatever you say to get back in there. And if you’re ever hiring, give me a call, even for a security guard. I think if given the chance I could handle a piece quite well.
Image from Fleet Owner.