Elvis Week Day 4: Don’t Leave Me Now

The King is dead. Or so we think. Today’s post is all about the possibility that maybe, just maybe, Elvis still lives (and not like in the movie Bubba Ho-Tep, although Bruce Campbell does play an A-MAZING elderly Elvis who battles an ancient Egyptian mummy on the grounds of his nursing home).

I did a little digging on the Internet and found, according to one website, some “concrete reasons” to believe Elvis is still alive. The following are some of the more awesome ones:

1. Elvis’ middle name (Aron) is spelled incorrectly on his gravestone (Aaron).

Why this proves he’s still alive: Elvis’ father would never allow such a blatant error. Further, Elvis was crazy superstitious and, as someone who was faking his own death, would never tempt fate by putting his full, correctly spelled name on his gravestone.

2. The pallbearers of Elvis’ coffin reported that the air around it was rather cool.

Why this proves he’s still alive: The theory is that there was a wax body—a complete replica of Elvis—inside the coffin, as his real body was still very much alive. It therefore follows that an air conditioning unit was installed inside the coffin to prevent the wax from melting. Oh, and the coffin weighed 900 lbs., ergo, there must have been an air conditioning unit inside to account for the weight.

3. At the end of Elvis’ last show before his “death,” he said, “Adios,” to the audience.

Why this proves he’s still alive: Elvis had never said this at the end of a show before. The word implies a final good-bye. He could have said, “I’ll be seeing you next time.” BUT HE DIDN’T. Obviously he knew he’d be faking his death and wanted to bid his audience one final goodbye. Duh.

4. Elvis was a pharmaceutical “expert” and, although he took a lot of drugs, he “knew what he was doing” and was “extremely careful.”

Why this proves he’s still alive: Because of this knowledge, Elvis knew which drugs would cause a death-like state. PLUS, thanks to his knowledge of martial arts, he knew how to slow his heart rate and breathing. The man could have TOTALLY made himself appear to be dead.

Still not convinced? Well, feast your eyes on THIS theory:

5. Elvis was fascinated by numerology.

Why this proves he’s still alive: Ok, stay with me here—Elvis died on August 16, 1977. If you add up all the numbers in the date (8+16+1977), you get 2001. THAT is the title of Elvis’ favorite movie in which the hero plans his immortality, all in the comfort of his own bathroom. Elvis HIMSELF spent a lot of time in the bathroom, so much so that he had his toilet converted into a reclining chair. COINCIDENTALLY (or was it?!?) Elvis’ body was found in the bathroom. Therefore, it logically follows that ELVIS IS STILL ALIVE.

My mind. Is totally. Blown.

Image from ElvisBlog.

  1. Noah

    August 16th, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    But if he’s still alive, where does he live? In the Ghetto? Heartbreak Hotel? A Fool Such as I wonders about these things.

  2. Meredith

    August 16th, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    And…you knocked it out of the park. Well done. A very entertaining week.

  3. Alex

    August 16th, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I wonder how Elvis faked his autopsy. That was probably the performance of his career.

  4. Meredith

    August 16th, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    So a non-believer, are we? You’ll be sorry someday. Boy, will there be egg on YOUR face.

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